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So, I went to Planned Parenthood today, got the grant for free birth control. I got my shot for absolutely free, and when I go back for my next shot, I'm gonna get a pap smear.. And it rocks. For an entire year, I get it for free, I might even get the HPV vaccine for free. Yay!!



I may not be as sexually active as they think, but I got the grant, I got the shot.



And, I might be getting my new phone soon, as soon as my bro and sis in law talk about it some more. Yippee.

My day has not gotten better, I asked to be traded out of Lux, and I think I upset the CM in doing so. I feel like I've eaten too much today, like I've done nothing. Haven't been able to get a hold of my sister in law nor my brother, so me going to get my shot tomorrow is probably out of the window. I think I spotted a little bit today, which is bad news. I don't want to get it back.



I had a brief.. very brief.. conversation with my honey today, and that hasn't helped things. Talking to him at length normally helps me feel better. I'm sure I'll get to soon, I just hate not being able to talk to him. I hate my phone for that reason.





On a positive note, I am very close to leveling up some more. It'll only be a percentage within a level, but I'll go up some nonetheless. I just have to go up .20 more days. I'm at 63.46 days, need 63.66 days to level. I hope I get there tomorrow, on my day off, that would make me happy.



I am playing through my game again, trying to play it slower, so that I have something to do. I want to get another game, but the top priorities at the moment are my shot and then my plane ticket.



My tummy has felt funny all afternoon, I hope it's nothing. I really do. I do not want to get my period again, it'll be like starting Depo all over again when I do get the shot.



OMFG my niece is being such a brat! She doesn't do as she's asked or told. She whines at every opportunity, back talks her parents and mine and me. She calls her mom by her first name, throws a fit when she doesn't get ice cream, but got jell-o with whipped cream just an hour earlier. I SO want to flick her in the mouth or put her in time out, or wash her mouth out with soap, just like my mom did to me and my brothers. We NEVER acted like her. She is so aggravating. *sighs* She needs discipline. Not the abuse her father gives her, but -certainly- more than her mother gives her, which is none.

Today just seems to suck. I don't know why, but it does. I didn't sleep well last night, woke up three times before finally getting up just short of 11 AM.



Had a phone call from my work, I was apparently scheduled for today, but since I'm -so- close to 40 hours, they said they didn't need me.



I don't know who left the message, maybe someone on the front end, which would have meant I was cashiering which would have been cool. I prefer cashiering to deli.



I'm talking to Rae again, and we're thinking of starting another story, like the one we had last time. I hope it works out.



Things have been okay with him and I, but we're still not talking much. That's not to say we aren't talking, or anything like that. I just mean there is still a lot of silence when we talk. But there is no one to really 'blame' for it. I don't say everything that's on my mind, and I sit there for five minutes and think of what to say, but come up blank. When he doesn't talk, at least he has a reason. I wish I was always doing something, like he does. He's so creative, so innovative, so wonderful.



And I'm just me. I like taking pictures, but haven't for at least a month. I've promised pictures at least three times, but haven't come through on any of it.



I'm not as active here as I'd like. I have been lurking for a while, reading journals and stuff. Not doing a lot of posting in the coven, hardly communicating at all. And I feel lonely, which is my fault, I guess.



My check was pretty good this week, and I am hoping to save most of my money from now until I go on my trip. (yep, to see him again! YAY!) I want to save as much money as I can, because I want to get him things, just because. I guess my mom has something to do with that. I love him a lot, and my mom showed love to me by buying me things, doing things for me. And I know that's not the 'proper' way to do it, but it's something that I fight.



The ticket to go up there will cost me about a check, well most of one, and the baggage fee and food for the flight and stuff, that'll be a check there. But since I get paid weekly, and I should be getting my card today or tomorrow, I'll be okay. I still have about a month to go before I go, hopefully. So, 4 more checks or so, should be good.



I tried to get a phone from Verizon, but since I have -no- credit, they would require a $400 deposit. I'd get it back in a year with 3% interest, but I don't want to do that. I don't have the money right now. And even if I did.. I don't want to do it. So, I'm going to ask my sister-in-law or my brother to buy the phone for me, and I pay for it. There's no way I could -not- pay for it, since I get paid weekly, and I would give them the first month's bill in advance. And Verizon would be awesome, since he has it and then we could talk whenever for free. Besides, AT&T is kicking my butt with the go phone. I am putting a hell of a lot of money on it every week, because I am starting to use it during the day more, though I try not to. Mom likes me to call when I get to work, to let her know I made it alright. I try to call him as soon as I get up, or I feel bad all day, because I don't hear his voice. My family will call me if they need to ask me or tell me something. It all adds up.



I want to get a second opinion from a new neurologist. My first neurologist never tested for a vitamin deficiency, which could cause all of my symptoms, the headaches, everything. Or it could be something else. But I don't know, because we didn't go down every avenue. My mom doesn't understand that. She doesn't understand why I want a second opinion. Wouldn't you want to know if you had something wrong with you, and if you -did- know you could take medications or other preventative measures to guard against whatever it is you have/could possibly get?



My birthday is in less than a month, and I don't want to celebrate it. I don't want to talk about it or hear about it, 'cause it doesn't matter, it's not going to matter. It's just another year, and an excuse for people to be nice to me, to get me something.. when all I want, I can't have. Shouldn't people be nice to me all year long, not just on holidays and birthdays and stuff? People suck, is all. People. Just. Suck.



I want a tattoo, but I don't know about where to get it, like the place to get it done at. Or what colors I want. Can I fly after getting it done, I was told the possibility that if I get it done then fly, it could get messed up. *shruggs* Now, I don't know. I've had this design for three years, I still love it. I know where I want to get it. I just don't know if I can fly.. and flying or the tattoo, flying is definitely preferred, at this point.



Enough stuff coming out of my head. Maybe more later.

Is it weird that I still call my dad 'daddy' and I'm almost 19?



Does anyone else do this?



If so, how old are you? it doesn't have to be an exact age if you don't want it to be, just like a decade or something.



And sometimes, I still call my mom 'mommy.'



Depends though

COMMENTS

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Cinnamon
05:45 Feb 12 2009

I'm 30 and my father will always be Daddy to me. :) However, oddly enough, I never call my mother Mommy. She's Mama. Always has been, always will be. With her, though, she's more like a friend, a confidant, a kindred spirit. My father is...well, a father. I still feel 5 when I'm around him. *shrugs*

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cherryblossom
14:35 Feb 14 2009

even with how my father and mother are they will always be daddy and mommy. It feels weird calling them anything else. and I'm 18 (19 in may, but you know that).

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I admit, I am almost 19.. and I finally had my first funnel cake tonight. Well, 1/2 of one.. And I liked it.



That and the fair was awesome.



Hmmm.. Not much else. I think that's it.



Got my check today. Got a fair amount for a week. And I get paid every week.



That's it..



Sad, tired, want to go to bed and hide.



Later.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
17:42 Feb 11 2009

What's a funnel cake ?

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Cinnamon
05:46 Feb 12 2009

Did she just say 'What's a funnel cake?' Well, I feel that it's my duty to educate her now. ;)



Lovely, aren't they? :)

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This is a bad week already, I can tell you that much.



I.. can't even begin to say anything.. to type anything.



I start to type out something that's bugging me, and, I can't.. I erase it. I hate to sound like I'm complaining, but that's all it seems like I'm doing.



I got a new top, that I think looks really pretty on me, but then I think about how 'someone like me' shouldn't be wearing stuff like this, stuff as pretty as what I got. I don't feel pretty enough to wear it.



I told him I'd take pictures of the top to show him, told him I'd do it last night.. and I ended up over thinking it, like I do most things, and didn't take anything.



I was almost crying when I got off the phone with him. And I don't know why. It might be because I haven't had my shot yet, and I felt pain near my left ovary while at work yesterday. I don't know how long it takes someone who was on Depo to regain their period after going off the shot, though I can't really say I 'went off the shot' when it was more that I didn't have the cash to get the shot.



I'm trying to keep things as smoothly as I can, but I think that I'm hiding things now, hiding stuff that isn't exactly 'wrong' but things that are affecting me, bringing me down. But if i were to say anything, it would only make him feel bad, because there isn't anything that can be done to make things 'better.'



Sometimes, I feel like going to play out in traffic, and not looking before crossing. :/



I wish I understood, and I can only hope that my trip to up there comes as soon as possible.



I think that will be the best medicine of all.



♥

Under appreciated. That's how I feel in every aspect.



In my family's eyes, I am not worth a lot. If anything at all.



Here, on Vr, I feel unspecial, normal, unnoticed.



I'm not asking for the top spot anywhere, not asking for the lime light, not asking for any of that.



But for someone to be proud of me, actually -want- to talk with me, do things with me, be around me... that would be wonderful.



All I want to do right now, honestly, is go to bed, and sleep... forever.



(And no, I have no idea where this came from, I was great just 10 or 15 minutes ago, now I'm down and ...blah.)



No, this doesn't have anything to do with my relationship, just the rest of my life.

COMMENTS

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birra
05:57 Feb 05 2009

Life... can be that way.



Get some sleep... and tomorrow will be a new, and better day.



The future is what you make of it... it is the only thing you have the power to change...



...and it only comes to you one day at a time..

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Today was okay, sat around on my fat ass and did nothing. Man I feel like crap. I don't do anything on my day off..



No wonder I don't have a life.



Feel badly that I didn't get to talk to my honey this morning because I was too deeply asleep to hear my loud alarm going off.



*sigh*



I just. I don't know. Today I just feel like slamming my head against a wall until I can't think anymore. I always over think things. To the extreme.



I've cried lately, over some pretty asinine things, too. And really, I've got no reason to cry, maybe I've just become that.. weak.



I used to not cry at all, now it seems like I'm crying too much, too often, for all the wrong reasons.



But then, I used to do other stupid things too often for the wrong reason. It was forever the wrong reason. And I am reminded of that every day.



I still won't be able to get my shot, and I'll probably have to pee in a cup when I -do- go to get it because of it. Which will cost -more- money.



I'm glad I got a job, or I wouldn't have been able to get the shot at all. And I like the benefits of it, the pluses are worth so much more than the negatives. On most days. Some days, though, I do think that I shouldn't be on the shot, because I have gained weight, I get depressed every time I get the shot.



But, it's better than the alternative.



Okay, done ranting now. It will probably be an early night for me.



See yah, VR.

Thur- 9 - 5:30

Fri- 10 - 6:30

Sat- 9 -5:30

Sun- 11-7

Mon- off

Tue- 9 -5:30

Wed- off



I was told that was 42 hours...



I dunno, I don't want to count it out either.. we'll see what I get paid, right?



And woo for making about 9.50 an hour!